In the Beginning
God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach,
green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds,
so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.
Then, using God's great gifts,
Satan created Ben and Jerry's and Krispy Creme.
And Satan said, You want chocolate with that?
And Man said Oh Yeah.
And Woman said, and another one with sprinkles.
And they gained 10 pounds.
And God created the healthful yogurt
that Woman might keep the figure that Man found so fair.
And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat,
and sugar from the cane, and combined them.
And Woman went from size 2 to size 10.
So God said, Try my fresh green salad.
And Satan presented Thousand-Island and Creamy Ranch Dressing
and garlic toast on the side.
Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.
God then said, I have sent you heart-healthy vegetables
and olive oil in which to cook them.
And Satan brought forth deep fried fish
and chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter.
Man gained more weight and his cholesterol went
through the roof.
God then brought running shoes
so that his children might lose those extra pounds.
And Satan gave cable TV with a remote control
so Man would not have to toil changing the channels.
And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering light
and gained more pounds.
Then God brought forth the potato,
naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition.
And Satan peeled off the healthful skin
and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fried them.
And man gained pounds.
God then gave lean beef
so the Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite.
And Satan created McDonald's and it's 99-cent double cheeseburger.
Then said, You want fries with that?
And Man replied, Oh Yeah! And super-size em.
And Satan said, It is good.
And Man went into cardiac arrest.
God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.
And Satan created HMOs.